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Maxioms by Mitch Hedberg

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I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other read more

I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in. 'You're not special. That's how I receive it too... I tried to taste it, but it did not work.'

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Senses Quotes,
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My sister wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she read more

My sister wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she got halfway. She's an actress, she's just never called to the set.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Acting Quotes, Actor Quotes,
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Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over read more

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load his shit into a truck.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Laziness Quotes,
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I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because read more

I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out and slammed the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up really quick?

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When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

by Mitch Hedberg Found in: Funny Quotes,
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