Mitch Hedberg

Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day read more

Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna, though. You bet your ass, I will have a beret on. That's ridiculous, but it's true. I always fight with wearing a beret.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I wrote a letter to my dad, I was going to write 'I really enjoyed being here', but I accidentally read more

I wrote a letter to my dad, I was going to write 'I really enjoyed being here', but I accidentally wrote 'rarely' instead of 'really'. But I wanted to use it, I didn't want to cross it out, so I wrote 'I rarely drive steamboats, Dad. There's a lot of sh*t you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator.' I know this letter took a harsh turn right away.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.