Dave Barry ( 10 of 61 )
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and read more
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise read more
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat read more
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own read more
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that read more
A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
We trained hard - but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we were read more
We trained hard - but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we were reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing, and what a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while actually producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization.
A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer
A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer
