Live TV died in the late 1950s, electronic bulletin boards came along in the mid-1980s, meaning there was about a read more

Live TV died in the late 1950s, electronic bulletin boards came along in the mid-1980s, meaning there was about a 25-year gap when it was difficult to put your foot in your mouth and have people all across the country know about it.

In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: read more

In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you're linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to.

I'd wipe the machines off the face of the earth again, and end the industrial epoch absolutely, like a black read more

I'd wipe the machines off the face of the earth again, and end the industrial epoch absolutely, like a black mistake.

There never was a chip, it is said, that Bill Gates couldn't slow down with a new batch of features.

There never was a chip, it is said, that Bill Gates couldn't slow down with a new batch of features.

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

So there he is at last. Man on the moon. The poor magnificent bungler! He can't even get to the read more

So there he is at last. Man on the moon. The poor magnificent bungler! He can't even get to the office without undergoing the agonies of the damned, but give him a little metal, a few chemicals, some wire and twenty or thirty billion dollars and, vroom! there he is, up on a rock a quarter of a million miles up in the sky.

A man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. He sits on a hot read more

A man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. He sits on a hot stove for a minute, it's longer than any hour. That is relativity.

Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.

Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.

We are governed not by armies, but by ideas.

We are governed not by armies, but by ideas.