Showing up at school already able to read is like showing up at the undertaker's already embalmed: people start worrying read more

Showing up at school already able to read is like showing up at the undertaker's already embalmed: people start worrying about being put out of their jobs.

Why is the hearse with scutcheons blazon'd round,
And with the nodding plume of ostrich crown'd?
No; read more

Why is the hearse with scutcheons blazon'd round,
And with the nodding plume of ostrich crown'd?
No; the dead know it not, nor profit gain;
It only serves to prove the living vain.

There's a grim one-horse hearse in a jolly round trot;
To the churchyear a pauper is going I wot;
read more

There's a grim one-horse hearse in a jolly round trot;
To the churchyear a pauper is going I wot;
The road it is rough, and the hearse has no springs,
And hark to the dirge that the sad driver sings--
Rattle his bones over the stones,
He's only a pauper whom nobody owns.

Ye undertakers, tell us,
'Midst all the gorgeous figures you exhibit,
Why is the principal conceal'd, for read more

Ye undertakers, tell us,
'Midst all the gorgeous figures you exhibit,
Why is the principal conceal'd, for which
You make this mighty stir?

Diaulus, lately a doctor, is now an undertaker' what he does as
an undertaker, he used to do also read more

Diaulus, lately a doctor, is now an undertaker' what he does as
an undertaker, he used to do also as a doctor.

The houses he makes last till doomsday.

The houses he makes last till doomsday.

FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief read more

FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.