I don't like this new law, because your first instinct when you see a man on the ground is to read more

I don't like this new law, because your first instinct when you see a man on the ground is to go down on him

Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best read more

Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off.

I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot.
(on his decision not to read more

I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot.
(on his decision not to vote)

Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.

Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.

If you're trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I've had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don't have read more

If you're trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I've had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

You know it's going to hell when the best rapper out there is white and the best golfer is black.

You know it's going to hell when the best rapper out there is white and the best golfer is black.

I'm going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time.
(after the team's co-captain, offensive read more

I'm going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time.
(after the team's co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto the field for the coin toss against St. Louis)

Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago...

Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago...

Don't park in the spaces marked, "Reserved for Umpires.".

Don't park in the spaces marked, "Reserved for Umpires.".