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Everything I do, I feel is genius. Whether it is or it isn't.

Everything I do, I feel is genius. Whether it is or it isn't.

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This is it, folks. This is the idea which has kept me virtually unknown for the past 16 years. I read more

This is it, folks. This is the idea which has kept me virtually unknown for the past 16 years. I have watched my crowds dwindle. I am going nowhere, and nowhere quick, but, those of you who have children, I am sorry to tell you this, but they are not special. Wait! I know some of you are going "what, what?" Let me just clarify: I know YOU think they're special ... ha ha ha! I'm aware of that. I'm just here to tell you, that they're NOT! Ha ha ha ha! Sorry. Did you know that every time a guy comes he comes two-hundred million sperm? One out of TWO-HUNDRED MILLION – that load, we're only talking about one load – connected: gee, what are the fucking odds? Do you know what that means? I've wiped nations off've my chest with a grey gymsock. ENTIRE CIVILISATIONS HAVE FLAKED AND CRUSTED IN THE HAIR AROUND MY NAVEL! [...] I've tossed universes in my underpants while napping. Boom! A Milkyway shoots into my jockeyshorts: "Unngh ... what's for fucking breakfast?!"

by Bill Hicks Found in: Humour Quotes,
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Sean: My wife used to fart when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful little idiosyncrasies. She used read more

Sean: My wife used to fart when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful little idiosyncrasies. She used to fart in her sleep. I thought I’d share that with you. One night it was so loud it woke the dog up. She woke up and went ‘ah was that you?’ And I didn’t have the heart to tell her. Oh!Will: She woke herself up?Sean: Ah...! But Will, she’s been dead for 2 years, and that's the shit I remember: wonderful stuff you know? Little things like that. Those are the things I miss the most. The little idiosyncrasies that only I know about: that's what made her my wife. Oh she had the goods on me too, she knew all my little peccadilloes. People call these things imperfections, but there not. Ah, that's the good stuff.~ Robin Williams as Sean Maguire, Matt Damon as Will Hunting.

by Good Will Hunting Found in: Humour Quotes,
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It is as hard to satirize well a man of distinguished vices, as to praise well a man of distinguished read more

It is as hard to satirize well a man of distinguished vices, as to praise well a man of distinguished virtues.

by Jonathan Swift Found in: Sarcasm Quotes,
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Edged tools are dangerous things to handle, and not infrequently do much hurt.

Edged tools are dangerous things to handle, and not infrequently do much hurt.

by Agnes Repplier Found in: Sarcasm Quotes,
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There's no life without humour. It can make the wonderful moments of life truly glorious, and it can make tragic read more

There's no life without humour. It can make the wonderful moments of life truly glorious, and it can make tragic moments bearable.

by Rufus Wainwright Found in: Humour Quotes,
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Sarcasm is the language of the devil, for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it.

Sarcasm is the language of the devil, for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it.

by Thomas Carlyle Found in: Sarcasm Quotes,
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I may not lead the most dramatic life, but in my brain it's War and Peace everyday.

I may not lead the most dramatic life, but in my brain it's War and Peace everyday.

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I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.

I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.

by Mark Twain Found in: Sarcasm Quotes,
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