This is it, folks. This is the idea which has kept me virtually unknown for the past 16 years. I read more

This is it, folks. This is the idea which has kept me virtually unknown for the past 16 years. I have watched my crowds dwindle. I am going nowhere, and nowhere quick, but, those of you who have children, I am sorry to tell you this, but they are not special. Wait! I know some of you are going "what, what?" Let me just clarify: I know YOU think they're special ... ha ha ha! I'm aware of that. I'm just here to tell you, that they're NOT! Ha ha ha ha! Sorry. Did you know that every time a guy comes he comes two-hundred million sperm? One out of TWO-HUNDRED MILLION – that load, we're only talking about one load – connected: gee, what are the fucking odds? Do you know what that means? I've wiped nations off've my chest with a grey gymsock. ENTIRE CIVILISATIONS HAVE FLAKED AND CRUSTED IN THE HAIR AROUND MY NAVEL! [...] I've tossed universes in my underpants while napping. Boom! A Milkyway shoots into my jockeyshorts: "Unngh ... what's for fucking breakfast?!"

In these troublesome days when the great
Mother Empire stands splendidly isolated in Europe.

In these troublesome days when the great
Mother Empire stands splendidly isolated in Europe.

France is an absolute monarchy, tempered by ballads.
[Fr., La France est une monarchie absolue, temperee par des
read more

France is an absolute monarchy, tempered by ballads.
[Fr., La France est une monarchie absolue, temperee par des
chansons.]

Ye sons of France, awake to glory!
Hark! Hark! what myriads bid you rise!
Your children, wives, read more

Ye sons of France, awake to glory!
Hark! Hark! what myriads bid you rise!
Your children, wives, and grandsires hoary,
Behold their tears and hear their cries!

Be England what she will,
With all her faults, she is my country still.

Be England what she will,
With all her faults, she is my country still.

If I should die, think only this of me:
That there's some corner of a foreign field
read more

If I should die, think only this of me:
That there's some corner of a foreign field
That is forever England. There shall be
In that rich earth a richer dust concealed;
A dust whom England bore, shaped, made aware,
Gave, once, her flowers to love, her ways to roam,
A body of England's, breathing English air,
Washed by the rivers, blest by suns of home.

Roused by the lash of his own stubborn tail,
Our lion now will foreign foes assail.

Roused by the lash of his own stubborn tail,
Our lion now will foreign foes assail.

There's no life without humour. It can make the wonderful moments of life truly glorious, and it can make tragic read more

There's no life without humour. It can make the wonderful moments of life truly glorious, and it can make tragic moments bearable.

A certain man has called us, "of all peoples the wisest in
action," but he added, "the stupidest in read more

A certain man has called us, "of all peoples the wisest in
action," but he added, "the stupidest in speech."