And especially, especially, don't f*ck with vegans. Do not look vegans in the eye. If you get into an argument read more

And especially, especially, don't f*ck with vegans. Do not look vegans in the eye. If you get into an argument with a vegan, say "I'm wrong", and run away as fast as you can. Do not f*ck with vegans because they will f*ck you up... BECAUSE THEY'RE HUNGRY.

This life's dim windows of the soul. Distorts the heavens from pole to pole. And leads you to believe a read more

This life's dim windows of the soul. Distorts the heavens from pole to pole. And leads you to believe a lie when you see with, not through, the eye.

I just love making a fool out of myself. I made my living as a clown at kids' parties for read more

I just love making a fool out of myself. I made my living as a clown at kids' parties for about three years.

Do not trust the horse, Trojans! Whatever it is, I fear the Greeks, even though they bring gifts.

Do not trust the horse, Trojans! Whatever it is, I fear the Greeks, even though they bring gifts.

It's a heartacheNothing but a heartacheHits you when it's too lateHits you when you're down

It's a heartacheNothing but a heartacheHits you when it's too lateHits you when you're down

Us sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets, trying to be loved. You ever notice that trees do read more

Us sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets, trying to be loved. You ever notice that trees do everything to git attention we do, except walk?

If you're a singer you lose your voice. A baseball player loses his arm. A writer gets more knowledge, and read more

If you're a singer you lose your voice. A baseball player loses his arm. A writer gets more knowledge, and if he's good, the older he gets, the better he writes.

The fact that writers will go through so much to remain writers says something, perhaps everything. It would be far read more

The fact that writers will go through so much to remain writers says something, perhaps everything. It would be far easier (and nearly always more profitable) to become a real estate agent.

Why should we fear; and what? The laws?
They all are armed in virtue's cause;
And aiming read more

Why should we fear; and what? The laws?
They all are armed in virtue's cause;
And aiming at the self-same end,
Satire is always virtue's friend.