Steven Wright

I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.

I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. read more

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their familiescame and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said,
So. What did you think?.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.