Steven Wright

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you read more

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.

I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.