Steven Wright

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you read more

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.

I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.