Ambrose Bierce

LONGEVITY, n. Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

LONGEVITY, n. Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

History: An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly read more

History: An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) read more

Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. If we must have them, let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to MH.

QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is read more

QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.