George Carlin ( 8 of 38 )
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a read more
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what read more
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt read more
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it read more
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams read more
Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day
... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're unreliable! I say if read more
... And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're unreliable! I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well..
