My situation is a solemn one. Life is offered to me on condition of eating beefsteaks. But death is better read more

My situation is a solemn one. Life is offered to me on condition of eating beefsteaks. But death is better than cannibalism. My will contains directions for my funeral, which will be followed not by mourning coaches, but by oxen, sheep, flocks of poultry, and a small traveling aquarium of live fish, all wearing white scarf's in honor of the man who perished rather than eat his fellow creatures.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend - provided, of course, that he really is dead.

He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend - provided, of course, that he really is dead.

We owe a deep debt of gratitude to Adam, the first great benefactor of the human race: he brought death read more

We owe a deep debt of gratitude to Adam, the first great benefactor of the human race: he brought death into the world.

He that lives to forever, never fears dying.

He that lives to forever, never fears dying.

It is only the dead who do not return.

It is only the dead who do not return.

The "kingdom of Heaven" is a condition of the heart - not something that comes "upon the earth" or "after read more

The "kingdom of Heaven" is a condition of the heart - not something that comes "upon the earth" or "after death."

I know not what others may choose but, as for me, give me liberty or give me death.

I know not what others may choose but, as for me, give me liberty or give me death.

I never think he is quite ready for another world who is altogether weary of this.

I never think he is quite ready for another world who is altogether weary of this.