If I weren't earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in read more

If I weren't earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming.

Sports do not build character. They reveal it.

Sports do not build character. They reveal it.

Sports is the toy department of human life.

Sports is the toy department of human life.

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids read more

I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.
(on being a role model)

I really lack the words to compliment myself today.

I really lack the words to compliment myself today.

My sister's expecting a baby and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.

My sister's expecting a baby and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.

Football incorporates the two worst elements of American society: violence punctuated by committee meetings.

Football incorporates the two worst elements of American society: violence punctuated by committee meetings.

When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his read more

When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.