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    But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our best to keep you informed of any late-breaking...humor we can find. Of course, our show is obviously at a disadvantage compared to the many news sources that we're competing with… at a disadvantage in several respects. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility we are, well, oddly enough, actually about even. We're about even.

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  8  /  12  

If't be summer news,
Smile to't before; if winterly, thou need'st
But keep that count'nance still.

If't be summer news,
Smile to't before; if winterly, thou need'st
But keep that count'nance still.

by William Shakespeare Found in: News Quotes,
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  5  /  15  

The American people deserve to know that they're not just watching the administration's spin on their local newscasts -- they're read more

The American people deserve to know that they're not just watching the administration's spin on their local newscasts -- they're paying for it, too.

by Senator John Kerry Found in: News Quotes,
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  18  /  29  

My heart hath one poor string to stay it by,
Which holds but till thy news be uttered,
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My heart hath one poor string to stay it by,
Which holds but till thy news be uttered,
And then all this thou seest is but a clod
And module of confounded royalty.

by William Shakespeare Found in: News Quotes,
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  25  /  31  

(Celia:) Here come Monsieur Le Beau.
(Rosalind:) With his mouth full of news.
(Celia:) Which he will read more

(Celia:) Here come Monsieur Le Beau.
(Rosalind:) With his mouth full of news.
(Celia:) Which he will put on us as pigeons feed their young.
(Rosalind:) Then shall we be news-crammed.

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  3  /  15  

Though it be honest, it is never good
To bring bad news; give to a gracious message
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Though it be honest, it is never good
To bring bad news; give to a gracious message
An host of tongues, but let ill tidings tell
Themselves when they be felt.

by William Shakespeare Found in: News Quotes,
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  11  /  25  

We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the beauty of fake journalism. We read more

We don't consider ourselves equal opportunity anythings, because that's not - you know, that's the beauty of fake journalism. We don't have to - we travel in fake ethics.

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  22  /  13  

Ill news, madam,
Are swallow-winged, but what's good
Walks on crutches.

Ill news, madam,
Are swallow-winged, but what's good
Walks on crutches.

by Philip Massinger Found in: News Quotes,
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  29  /  29  

(Pistol:) And tidings do I bring and lucky joys
And golden times and happy news of price.
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(Pistol:) And tidings do I bring and lucky joys
And golden times and happy news of price.
(Falstaff:) I pray thee now, deliver them like a man of this
world.

by William Shakespeare Found in: News Quotes,
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  11  /  12  

Ill news is wing'd with fate, and flies apace.

Ill news is wing'd with fate, and flies apace.

by John Dryden Found in: News Quotes,
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