Joan Rivers

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that read more

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.