Lily Tomlin

The formula for water is H2O. Is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared?

The formula for water is H2O. Is the formula for an ice cube H2O squared?

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest -- read more

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest -- then we can all die laughing.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent read more

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.