Gracie Allen

Gracie comes home from the hospital after visiting a sick friend. (George) 'Where did you get the flowers?' (Gracie) 'I read more

Gracie comes home from the hospital after visiting a sick friend. (George) 'Where did you get the flowers?' (Gracie) 'I went to visit Mable.' (George) 'Yeah, so?' (Gracie) 'WELL, you told me to take her flowers!'

When my mother had to get dinner for 8 she'd just make enough for 16 and only serve half.

When my mother had to get dinner for 8 she'd just make enough for 16 and only serve half.

My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old. [said when George Burns was only read more

My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old. [said when George Burns was only 64. He lived to be 100]

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a
half.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a
half.

The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.

The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.