Ambrose Bierce

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his read more

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than read more

OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus tells of a peasant who was occupied by a different devil for every day in the week, and on Sundays by two. They were frequently seen, always walking in his shadow, when he had one, but were finally driven away by the village notary, a holy man; but they took the peasant with them, for he vanished utterly. A devil thrown out of a woman by the Archbishop of Rheims ran through the trees, pursued by a hundred persons, until the open country was reached, where by a leap higher than a church spire he escaped into a bird. A chaplain in Cromwell's army exorcised a soldier's obsessing devil by throwing the soldier into the water, when the devil came to the surface. The soldier, unfortunately, did not.