Ambrose Bierce

Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.

Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.

A pessimist asked God for relief. "Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God. "No," replied read more

A pessimist asked God for relief. "Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God. "No," replied the petitioner, "I wish you to create something that would justify them." "The world is all created," said God, "but you have overlooked something - the mortality of the optimist.

Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission.

Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission.

RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.

RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.

ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Musca maledicta"). The father read more

ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Musca maledicta"). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us.