Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual read more

Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in those tiny toilets. These men should not be encouraged, their fantasies are sadly low-rent and unimaginative. Affect an aloof, cool demeanor as soon as any man tries to draw you out. Unless, of course, he's the pilot.

For the love of God, folks, don't do this at home.

For the love of God, folks, don't do this at home.

A tree growing out of the ground is as wonderful today as it ever was. It does not need to read more

A tree growing out of the ground is as wonderful today as it ever was. It does not need to adopt new and startling methods.

Begin -- to begin is half the work, let half still remain; again begin this, and thou wilt have finished.

Begin -- to begin is half the work, let half still remain; again begin this, and thou wilt have finished.

I guess more players lick themselves that are ever licked by an opposing team. The first thing any man has read more

I guess more players lick themselves that are ever licked by an opposing team. The first thing any man has to know is how to handle himself.

There are some people who knock the pyramids because they don't have elevators.

There are some people who knock the pyramids because they don't have elevators.

I bring to my life a certain amount of mess.

I bring to my life a certain amount of mess.

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.

A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.