Sermons are like pie-crust, the shorter the better.

Sermons are like pie-crust, the shorter the better.

Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, read more

Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill because they pissed me off.

Give God the margin of eternity to justify himself.

Give God the margin of eternity to justify himself.

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all read more

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you read more

Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?".

Pray to God, but hammer away.

Pray to God, but hammer away.

One should not stand at the foot of a sick person's bed, because that place is reserved for the guardian read more

One should not stand at the foot of a sick person's bed, because that place is reserved for the guardian angel.

...the ultimate decision about what is accepted as right and wrong will be made not by individual human wisdom but read more

...the ultimate decision about what is accepted as right and wrong will be made not by individual human wisdom but by the disappearance of the groups that have adhered to the "wrong" beliefs.

The neer to the church, the further from God.

The neer to the church, the further from God.