By the age of six the average child will have completed the basic American education.... From television, the child will read more

By the age of six the average child will have completed the basic American education.... From television, the child will have learned how to pick a lock, commit a fairly elaborate bank holdup, prevent wetness all day long, get the laundry twice as white, and kill people with a variety of sophisticated armaments.

I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the read more

I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.

America's abundance was not created by public sacrifices to "the common good", but by the productive genius of free men read more

America's abundance was not created by public sacrifices to "the common good", but by the productive genius of free men who pursued their own personal interests and the making of their own private fortunes

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat read more

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift"... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic read more

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift"... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git.

America has the longest prison sentences in the West, yet the only condition long sentences demonstrably cure is heterosexuality.

America has the longest prison sentences in the West, yet the only condition long sentences demonstrably cure is heterosexuality.

I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'

I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'

We [Americans] are the lavishest and showiest and most luxury-loving people on the earth; and at our masthead we fly read more

We [Americans] are the lavishest and showiest and most luxury-loving people on the earth; and at our masthead we fly one true and honest symbol, the gaudiest flag the world has ever seen.

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count read more

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it